I have a question about mothers day.?

Please do not answer this question if you can not have compassion toward your answer.

A friend of mine had a little girl but five hours after birth the child dies. she of course has struggled for many years and has not had a child since. however she gets upset when those around her who knows about the birth and death of her child, and they dont reconize her on mothers day. she understands but it hurts her heart. I feel that most people feel uncomfortable giving her a card or wishing her a happy mothers day because some people would think they where offending her. Im not sure but a few of us in the family wish her a happy mothers day anyway. What does everyone think. Do you think that individuals feel she is no longer a mom because her child dies? Or maybe its just because it is an awkard situation? Please be nice with your answer.

I have a question about mothers day.?
Gosh, people can be really harsh. She is a mother, not only because she gave birth to her little girl, but because she still loves her. Yes, her daughter died but she discovered at least that special part of giving birth to a child. She might not be raising her child, but you already know the circumstances.



So, what about all of those mothers who have lost their only children in some other way (ex. Iraq, car accident, etc.) Are they no longer mothers because their children died? People could say that maybe yes because they got to raise their children, but I differ greatly. She is a mother, because she feels a mother. Many women give birth and can't handle having kids. Trust me, those cannot call themselves mothers.
Reply:I think she still is a mother. She probably goes and visits the cemetary where she's burried... she probably celebrates her daughter's birthday too. She spiritually is still her baby's mother. I know she wasn't able to raise her daughter, but she still had a child. Would you consider someone who's baby died at 4 years old to no longer be a mother or a father? Probably not.



I think it's acceptable to send a card, but find one that's appropriate.
Reply:Definately an awkard situation because I would be afraid to say anything because it may upset the person. Other moms in this situtation may not react the same as your friend. I think your friend has an upsetting Mother's day because of the child passing away and is not thinking that others are trying to be compassionate by NOT saying anything. Hope this makes sense. I am sure every Mother's day would be hard for them.
Reply:They probably think she is a mom, but I think that probably everyone feels it is an awkward situation and don't know how to respond. They don't want to offend her, if wishing her happy mother's day would make her feel bad. They aren't sure, so they don't do anything, to make sure they won't offend.
Reply:I would take her out to dinner and give her flowers with a card with the rest of the family and no it doesnt stop her from being a mom. And she also has to consider that people dont know how to approach someone who has lost a child without knowing if it still upsets her. I would hope she could adopt or feel in her heart to have room for a child out there who needs a home my friend after 7 miscarriages adopted 7 kids all different ages and is busy happy and loving life give her a hug from me
Reply:i honestly think that if you get pregnant you are a mother! because you're body is mothering the child in the womb, so therefore even if the baby dies you are still a mother because you have been pregnant, that's just my opinion, i think it's wonderful that you recognize her and those other people should just go away.
Reply:just because GOD needed another angel and picked her child in no way makes her not a mom anymore. she gave birth. she will always be a mother. no one can take that away from her.



my only son was stillborn in 1988; he's still my son, i'm still his father. he is in a better place. so is her child.



good luck and GOD bless.
Reply:Well yes, it's an awkward situation. People don't want to offend her and don't know what's expected of them. But of course she is a mother, even if her baby died shortly after birth. How devastating that must be! If people know she wants to be acknowledged on Mother's day, they should do it.
Reply:I have one thing to say...Just because her child has passed..she is still a mom and forever will be..



Please call and wish her a happy mothers day..in fact go get her something and in the card...say I know it has been hard..but you are still a mom ..happy moms day



SHE will cherish that forever and remember someone CARED!
Reply:that is a very sad situation, and that would be very hard. the individual might think that under her circumstances, she is not a mother, but i think anyone who has ever had a child is a mother.
Reply:It is awkward and uncomfortable, but keep in mind that she carried that child and gave birth to that baby. There was definately a mother/child bond. Wish her a happy mother's day.
Reply:She will ALWAYS be a Mom. It doesn't end just because her child died. We had a stillborn child, and I will always be Daddy, even though he is not here, present among us. Wish her a Happy Mother's Day!!! She IS a Mom!
Reply:a little of both. People do not want to make her sad again so they dont bring it up. And yes, maybe they do think she is not an acting mother. And yes it is very awkward so all of the above.
Reply:AW! I'm so sorry =(.



I still think she is a mother and she deserves it. she worked hard putting her baby in the world. I know they think it might be offensive or it's awkward. But still, she's a mother.
Reply:i think that people think it would bring back the memory if they wished her a happy mothers day. i would ask her if she's ok with it before giving her anything or anything like that.
Reply:I don't go aroun telling "friends" and "acquaintences" Happy MD anyway.
Reply:Once a mom always a mom. It doesn't matter if her little girl died 5 hours or 50 years after she gave birth. She's still a mommy. Happy Mother's Day to her.
Reply:I think she had a child then she is a mother. actually try putting urself in her situation and then think. if some body wish u a mothers day and u dont have any kids around you, how would u feel. obviously u will remember all those moments when u lost ur child and get more depressed. who ever says she is not a mother is wrong but pls people stop hurting mothers like this because if u cant heal any bodys problems then dont hurt her. in her situation just talk to her and tell her to accept when someone wishes her mothers day and think who ever did is sating because she/he cares and respects thats why said happy mothers day.
Reply:It is an awkward situation but the fact is that some ppl are very uncomfortable in situations such as this. Of course she is grieving for her little girl - and that is a good thing. It seems to me that ppl are giving her time and space to let her grief out and come to terms with what has happend. You cannot blame ppl for this. You say she understands about ppl not wishing to give her a card for Mothers Day. Well, give your friend some credit and leave her alone on this subject. If, and when she wishes to bring it up, then be a listening ear. But, let it be her decision and not yours:)
Reply:Well sweetie,



I think if your once a mother (even if it's just five hours)

your always a mother. I don't think others think that she is no longer a mother, but maybe they dont know how to approach her. They might feel they may possibly say something offensive by accident.



But (I know this a diffrent situation) when my dad died everyone was avoiding me at the father daughter dance, because they thought it was awkward. But the thing that made me feel better was when my friend spent time with me

and comforted me over my grief.



I hope this helps.
Reply:I honestly think you and your family's wishing her a good Happy Mother's Day, although good-intentioned, is just a painful reminder of what this friend lost. I would not wish her one again until she actually has a child that is living at the time of Mother's Day.



My mom lost a little girl once. It hurt her to see reminders, so she burned all the pictures of the child. I'm guessing your friend feels somewhat the same.



And for those who disagree with this, I don't get how you'd understand if you've never been through this yourself and I have been in a way because of my own mother.
Reply:Having a baby die is tragic, and for some people would be something they would not want to be reminded of. So if she has not let them know that she is hurt by them not recognizing her on Mothers Day they may not want to cause her any pain.



In general I thought Mother's Day was a way for everyone to recognize their own mothers and all that they do for them. I do not feel obligated to tell every mom I know Happy Mothers Day, nor would I feel upset in any way for someone not to tell me.



I think if it hurts her that much she ought to discuss it with the offenders, because if she does not they have no idea how she feels. Or maybe when she sees these people on Mothers Day she could bring up the baby and talk about how wonderful it is to experience motherhood even for such a short time, this would let them know that she is thinking about the baby whether they bring it up or not and would maybe prompt them to consider wishing her a Happy Mothers Day because then it would be obvious to them that it was not only a sorrowful thing but also brought some joy to her life.