After yet another row with my 11 year old son, what can I do?

His attitude stinks. I know, he is approaching his teens and by design, kids become monosylabic, miserable and non communicative. He is developing a real temper though. I try to be calm and talk things out with him but I dont always manage it, I get tearful and very upset and, rightfully angry.

He is not left to his own devices, He lives within a structural upbringing, he is loved, cared for and I give him as much of my time as he needs. Peer pressure is of course strong at this time and he has been picking up stuff from school as they all do.

His dad and I have been divorced for 2 years now and his dad doesnt bother about him, we discuss this however and he has lots of support within the whole family.

As I sit here I am tearful again. He is out with his friends going off to get a mothers day card and a bunch of flowers. I feel he is doing it because he feels he has to, not because he wants to. I just want to forget Mothers Day.

After yet another row with my 11 year old son, what can I do?
try getting him to watch Kevin and Perry at large-he might only be 11 but he is obviously getting his teenage angst early



that film makes teenagers look ridiculous even to other teenagers and its a good laugh. I got my 13yr old son to watch it and every time he has a teenage moment i call him kevin and it always breaks the negative mood

try to ignore the bad behaviour and encourage the good?

I know its really hard but try not to be too emotional because they just cant understand what the big problem is. Save your tears for the 'big' misdemeanours because i am sure there will be some in the future.

Just try to talk to him when he is in a positive frame of mind, its rare but it does happen :0)

good luck and dont worry i am sure he will turn out to be a brilliant son at the end of all this :0)
Reply:Teenagers are always like this, they are moody, they sleep in till 4 pm in the weekend. They are always diff cult, and it's a stage everyone goes through. Now as much as you may think he is getting you a mothers day card because he has to, i would bet that he actually wants to, these sort of holidays are brill ant because it means that teenage boys, who don't want to seem weak by showing that they love their mothers, have an 'excuse'.
Reply:he will come round he might even be surprising you for 2moz. but like you said it is all part of growing up for him and he WILL grwo out of it and learn how to respect his mother.



hope all goes well. :)
Reply:Normal actually



I got councelsing
Reply:U should let your child grow naturally.. All that u can do is to take maximum care of him and answer all his questions patiently..Children believe what their friends say and later on analyse too..So they take their lessons themselves .
Reply:Unfortunate indeed. Dry your eyes. Mummy's little darling has started that dreaded of all times in every person's life, puberty. You will fight with him as I did with my mother, and my father was at home. Some children are more difficult to deal with. I remember with distain that I had suddenly found i had testicles and thought it was the first pair in the universe and as such I was more important and special and no one else was going through the problems I had. He may be overly embarrassed by teasing he gets
Reply:Oh I know how you feel! My little girl is 11 and half the time she is my sweet little girl and the other half she is well...mean! She is a only child and certainly spoiled so every time she opens up her mouth and mean words come out I take something away. There have been several times I would not let her see her horse and my latest weapon is 4-H. Whenever she opens her mouth to get smart I just say 4-H and then she shuts up (most of the time). She knows I have reached my limit and will take drastic measures.



My daughter has never even met her biological Father but she has so much love from her family and my husband she doesn't even care. I am a firm believer in Moms being number 1 with their children.



Please keep you head up and stay strong. I know how you feel with the tears and all but your Son loves you more then anything.



Set rules and ground him from the things he enjoys. It is not a perfect solution but it helps.



PS I asked my Dad what to do and he told me it was payback from when I was young. I guess I was a pain too but I grew out of it and I am now a loving daughter and my Brother grew out of it too. It will get better :)



Good luck
Reply:Sounds like a familiar story. He wants to be independent and you want a rigid framework for his own good. I remember that. I saw much of what my mother did as unreasonable.

Negotiation is always the key. Hormones are playing up and probably responsible for the temper but make sure he is not smoking the pipe. That can be responsible for grumpy mornings and can screw up young guys heads. Click below to get some more info.



xxFJ
Reply:Wow. How awful. :(



I'd NEVER treat my mom like that. But boys, are well boys. I never can understand them...
Reply:My daughter went through that stage as well and the best piece of advice I can offer is to not let it get to you. It is a normal stage and it will pass. Just keep things as they are (he knows he is loved) and he will one day start talking again and become the person he used to be. As for mother's day don't put a negative spin on it....if he really was a nasty kid he wouldn't even bother getting you anything. Accept his card and flowers graciously and don't even suggest to him you think he is doing out of presure or guilt.
Reply:You have an up-coming marriage, right? Since he has been abandoned by his father, in his eyes he is now "losing" you to someone else and you are his most important and closest confidant. He is most likely afraid that you will be taken from him. You need to assure him that he is not "losing a mom, but gaining a dad". Encourage your fiance to spend one-on-one time with him, i.e. fishing, batting cages, roller skating, movies of his choice, etc. whenever possible.... He needs to form a bond ASAP with your fiance. Once he realized that you are both there for him, he'll feel safe and unthreatened again. Equally important is for you to somehow include him in the wedding ceremony (Best Man, groomsman, usher, etc).



Take him aside and ask him how he feels, and assure him that you won't be angry regardless of his answer.



Then make sure you give him a great big hug!
Reply:As you suspect he is hurting from something, you and his dad splitting up and the lack of contact since from his dad will be really effecting him, I wish I knew what to say that would make him open up to you!

Is there another family member/close friend who could have a go at talking to him?



As for tomorrow, it is only one Mother's Day, there are plenty more to come so I am sure you will have many more 'happy' ones to come!
Reply:How about getting him a 'Big Brother'?



Edit: I mean a Big Brother from the Big Brother, Big Sister program, or something similar to it?
Reply:Its not mothers day yet, not for awhile. You sound depressed, why not you both go see shrinks?