But some times at night it drives me insane that we will have "family time" and he just sits there on the floor or lays on his stomach and basically zones out while my daughter and I play.
Last night he asked me to get Mothers Day cards in order, so I was making them and asked him to play with our daughter to keep her busy while I did that...well his idea of playing with our daughter was to turn basketball on in the hopes that she would watch it...so he sat there and she kept getting into everything while I was working. I was so frustrated! Even after I sat down with them to play, I kept asking him to be more involved (in more subtle ways) and he would for about two minutes.
I need some suggestions please! I know he is tired after work, I am too...but how do I get him to not zone out and be more focused?
What do I say to my husband to get him to play with his daughter?
I think sometimes a lot of dads don't always "get it" when they are at work most of the day, as far as what it really means to raise a child full time and what they need from you.
My husband was kind of the same way. He just didn't see it through my son's eyes. From my husband's point of view, he was tired after a long day at work, and he just wanted to come home and relax. But he wasn't here with the two year-old child, who was asking me every couple of minutes "Will Daddy be home soon?" and constantly checking out the window to see when my husband's car pulled in the driveway. My husband would walk in the front door, say "hi," and then go upstairs to change, go to the kitchen and make a pot of coffee, etc., not realizing how much our son had been busting at the seams, just waiting for Daddy to walk in the door. And when he would go into my son's playroom to be with him, there wasn't a lot of interaction. It's like he just didn't know what to do with him.
I brought it up with my husband, and he was very surprised, because in his mind, he was playing with our son a lot. But when I told him how excited our son was to know that he was coming home, only to have Daddy give him a quick pat on the head and go do something else first, he understood what I was saying--he had never really thought about it that way. He also thought just his presence in the playroom was enough, when really what my son wanted was for Daddy to play with him, and to be able to show my husband all of the things he had done that day.
Just tell your husband what your daughter needs from him.
Reply:personally i would tell my husband to shut the tv off for at least an hour, the tv is a distraction and it is not good for a child to get used to being ignored for the tv. maybe you need to leave the room so he cant just zone out and let you take over. atleast a few nights a week...
Reply:good luck. my dh is better than yours! :p jk! tell him to go outside with her. no tv will force him to think!
Reply:When she goes to sleep have a long talk to him about it..or just tell him if he does not play with her then no SEX!!!!! :D
Reply:Listen, I know just how frustrating that is. My ex was like that and nothing worked. you need to sit down with him and explain everything you said in your message above. and then some!! he needs to know how you feel and how your daughter feels. It will only lead to anger and resentment if it doesn't get fixed soon, from both you and your daughter!! Try giving him suggestions as to how he can play with her and maybe he wanted feel so "put on the spot". Good Luck to you both!!
Reply:Men do not take nor understand HINTS or anything that is subtle! They need to be told point blank what you feel/want, or else they plead ignorance (and they really do not know).
I would buy a baby/infant basketball hoop set so when dad is watching the game, he can play hoops with her at the same time.
Also, you need to maybe be a bit more assertive and tell him that she is his responsibility too %26amp; he has to be involved cuz you are not a single mom (I was with #1 and it's HARD). I felt guilty at first telling my hubby to step up/help out or step out (it sounds so harsh), but those feelings go away QUICK when you see your husband and baby bonding.
Also, maybe every night to have "family night" might be too excessive %26amp; boring for him (sorry). He might also not KNOW what to do. I suggest that instead of scheduled nightly family time, you take turns relaxing or watching her -- then have family night only a few nights a week so it's special...
Reply:A lot of men have trouble playing with their daughters because they're not sure how best to play with them and they hate feeling awkward around their own child. With boys they just resort to what they know--rough and tumble, wrestling type things. They don't realize that a lot of girls like to play that way too, and that there are other ways to play. Perhaps you could have him join in the play time with you and your daughter so he becomes more comfortable playing with her and/or make suggestions for what he could do with her. He could start by taking her out on a walk and pointing out all the things they see to her. That's fairly simple, and might interest her. He could also try to plant some flowers with her. Young kids love knowing the plant is growing there because of them. We tried that last summer with our boys and they loved it. Just talk to him about it, explain that this is a crucial time for him to develop a relationship with her, and figure out together what will work best. Don't expect him to change over night...he has to adjust gradually, but he DOES need to adjust. She needs to see that her daddy loves her and is interested in what she's doing. If he needs something he can relax while he does it, maybe he could supervise her coloring pictures or read her a book, or another relaxing activity.
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